It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve done this, so I may be out of practice… Who the hell am I kidding? I could do this in my sleep! Welcome to another edition of PROTIP Phridays- currently being brought to you from the frozen tundra east of Hell. Still somewhat stuck on the jobs and interviewing theme- blame it on my real life- but a few of these focus on our long regional nightmare (the recurring snowstorms and frigid cold) as well. Enough of the preamble- let’s get to it, shall we?
This Week’s PROTIPS:
PROTIP: Using your parent as a reference for a job is probably a bad idea unless your parents are famous or unless you’re applying to be part of another family. Employers probably don’t care how well you do chores or if you make your curfew regularly…
PROTIP: When someone gives you a job, the proper response is usually to say yes and mean it if you actually mean it- changing your mind and flaking on someone (especially in a small field) is a proper response if, and only if, you want to be blackballed.
PROTIP: If you’re walking on a sidewalk that is half covered by a snowbank and coated with ice and you REALLY want to piss everyone around you off, get three of your friends and walk fast in a row so you take up all of the walking space.
PROTIP: If you’re going to associate weed and patchouli oil with people who wear dreads, Giuliana Rancic, people who wear dreads get to associate your overdosing on bronzer with gold chains and Drakkar Noir.
PROTIP: Never buy an $800 laptop from a company whose commercials used to feature a stoner- and if you do, don’t be shocked when it dies in 12 hours. Dude, you’re getting a Lemon!
PROTIP: If you intentionally drive me up a wall with foolishness YOU caused, don’t be surprised if I put it in reverse and run you over for your troubles… Annoying me is NEVER a good idea when it’s -2 and I haven’t seen pavement in weeks.
PROTIP: There are hints and then there are hints- if someone avoids speaking to you for years, blocks your number, moves to get away from you and threatens to involve the police if you keep reaching out to them, you’ve probably passed the hint stage and gone straight to the “hitting you over the head with facts” stage.
PROTIP: Contrary to popular belief, answering the question “Why do you want this job?” or “Why do you want to go to this school?” with “I don’t know” or anything other than some concrete material is the best answer of all- because it makes room for someone else more deserving. Thanks and goodbye!
If you’re one of the people who are against watching Fox’s new show Empire but you bought an iTunes Season Pass for Scandal, Being Mary Jane or How To Get Away With Murder, you don’t have a problem with representation of Black people on TV- you have a problem with representations of unpolished Black people on TV who have money. Just keep it real- we’ll respect you more… (And yes, that does mean that a What I Learned About Student Affairs From…Empire is coming soon).
PROTIP: Finally, and most importantly, if you’re going to claim that someone is “dancing” and they are part of the African or Latin diasporas (don’t judge- stereotypes exist for a reason), please show them doing something more than raising their arms up and down while walking. We KNOW how to dance- and a bonehead like Aaron Hernandez doesn’t dance.
That’s it for this round of PROTIPs– pray for warmth to reach the Northeast next week and for hearts, minds and brains to thaw out soon! See you on Tuesday!